Parenting Teens: What No One Tells You

Whether you have little ones now or can think back to when yours were little, you probably heard the warnings: “Just wait until they’re teenagers!” It’s usually said with a mix of sarcasm and dread, as if parenting teens is a storm you just have to survive.

But now that I’ve been through it twice and am about to go through it again, I’ve realized something—there’s so much no one tells you about raising teenagers. And honestly? A lot of it is beautiful.

Yes, there are hard moments. Yes, they test boundaries. But what no one tells you is how much you’ll still love being their parent, how much you’ll miss them when they’re gone, and how bittersweet this season really is.

1. They Still Need You—Just in a Different Way

When they were little, they needed you for everything—meals, bedtime routines, boo-boos, and hugs - oh, the hugs. Now, they might not need you to tie their shoes, but they need you in ways that are sometimes hard to see. They need you to listen without judgment. To be their safe place when life feels overwhelming. To believe in them even when they don’t believe in themselves.

They may not always show it, but they still need your guidance. The trick is learning when to speak and when to just be there. Guiding them through life can be as much about letting them make the wrong decisions and much as helping them make the right ones.

2. The Conversations Get Deeper—and More Heartbreaking

No one prepares you for the conversations you’ll have with your teen. One day, you’re talking about curfews and algebra, and the next, they’re opening up about friendships, pressures, and fears that make your heart ache. The world is different than when we were growing up, and the weight they carry is heavy.

Be grateful when they do open up, because those are the most formative times. There will be plenty of times when they are a closed up clam shell that refuses to budge as much as your try to push.

What no one tells you is that the most important thing you can do is listen. Not fix. Not lecture. Just be present. When they know they can trust you, they’ll keep coming back.

One of my favorite parts of them being 15 is the year of uninterrupted time of teaching them to drive. As much as they consider driving to be a perk, they probably don’t realize how impactful that time in the car with you is without their social distractions at their fingertips.

3. The “Lasts” Happen Before You’re Ready

We celebrate the firsts—first steps, first words, first day of school. But no one tells you to appreciate the lasts. When you never know when that last time is going to happen, it can often feel like a clock counting down. The last time they ask you to tuck them in. The last time they reach for your hand in public. The last time they need your help with homework. You don’t always realize it’s the last until it’s already gone. Journaling your way through their teenage years can help you process those hard to process mom feelings.

Teen years are full of quiet goodbyes, little moments slipping away before you can hold onto them. It’s a season of transition, preparing them to step into the world on their own. And that’s exactly what we raised them to do. But that doesn’t make it easier.

4. You’ll Miss Them Before They Even Leave

One of the hardest parts of parenting teens is feeling the shift. They start spending more time with friends, more time in their rooms, more time dreaming about their future—without you. And that’s exactly what they should be doing. But no one tells you how much you’ll miss them while they’re still under your roof.

It’s a strange kind of grief—one that sneaks up on you in the middle of the grocery store when you realize you don’t have to buy their favorite snack anymore. One that hits you when you pass their empty room after they leave for college or their first job.

The grief is a small price to pay to have raised an amazing young adult who goes out into the world and makes you do very proud.

5. They Will Surprise You—in the Best Ways

Here’s the part no one tells you enough: watching your teen grow into the person they’re meant to be is incredible. They will amaze you with their strength, their confidence, their kindness, their humor, and their perspective on the world. You’ll see glimpses of the child they once were and flashes of the adult they’re becoming, and it will take your breath away.

You’ll realize that despite the messy moments, the eye rolls, and the slammed doors, they were listening. They did learn from you. And they do flove you—more than they let on.

If you have  an experience anywhere close to what I had, there may be a period of the teen years where there is so much angst and raw emotion built up that it seems your relationship is never going to recover. For my daughter and I, it lasted for four years, and only when she turned 19 did I see a turn in the direction of her life where I realized not all was lost.

After struggling to understand each other for most of high school, and while still finding the right balance of parenting and friendship, when she turned 19 there was a shift back to being the girl we had raised and loved. She was there all along. She just had to go through some things that ended up forming and building her into the unbreakable soul she is today.

Embracing the Teen Years

Parenting teens isn’t about controlling them; it’s about guiding them. It’s about showing up, even when they push you away. It’s about trusting that the foundation you’ve built is strong enough to hold them as they navigate the world.

So, to the parents in the thick of it: take a deep breath. Love them hard. Be their safe place. And don’t wish this season away—because one day, you’ll miss even the messy parts.

With love and a whole lot of grace!

Julie

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